Single parents dating again

Single parents and dating again? Bringing home a date home to meet our kids? From personal experience, I can tell you that if you are new at dating again after the absence of a parent, almost all kids will have some manner of ill feelings mixed in their happiness. Could they even be jealous? My twelve year old daughter says it’s "weird" to see me date again. My fifteen year old son (I do believe) thinks he is the man dating again of the house, and should be the only one.

Experts say of course it is ok to date, but there are a few important first ground rules. "First and foremost, when dating again after a dry period, children should come first," explains Dr. Carol Drummond, a clinical psychologist in Atlanta. "Dating shouldn't interfere with school activities and sports and things like that." She says parents should introduce dates to their kids as friends and nothing more.

We are told to keep the first dates (or meetings) casual. Decide on a park, zoo, or aquarium "date”. Choose an activity that everyone can enjoy without having to have so much one-on-one conversation.

Do not pressure kids to spend time with your date. Insist that your children be polite to your date, or any new friends - but do not pressure them to like the person. If given time to get to know them, it could prove to be a great relationship for them.
Sleep overs? Most child development specialists agree that your children should be insulated from your sexual activities while you are dating, and as long as it takes to becomes a very significant relationship.

Listen to what your kids have to say about your date. Many times children have an uncanny sense about people in our lives. Realize their opinions may not be completely objective, but make sure they know you believe them.

Don't use your children as confidantes with your relationship problems. Never ask a child to give an opinion on an adult subject such as this. They do not have the mental capacity to understand it. This is especially true of children whose parents are dating again after divorce.

Do not introduce your children to your date until it becomes a significant relationship. How many times have we met someone and a week later knew it was a mistake? Don’t put your children in the way of sensibility.

Physical displays of affection make children of all ages uncomfortable. Put the shoe on the other foot. Would you be comfortable around your child on their first real date?

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Dates should not try to discipline the children too early. That would be like having a forever parent who wanted to run your life forever.

Also, dates should never criticize parenting in front of the children. Would you accept the word or opinion of a stranger?

Single parents should always have a preset rule to speak to their date about. It should be to let them know your policies regarding language, behavior, substance abuse, etc…and what not to talk about around your children.

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NEVER, but never-sacrifice your alone time with your kids. Never miss a school-sponsored activity or any other important time for them.

Never take your dates opinions as more valid or important that your children’s.

If you are thinking about dating or just meeting other single parents, here is a site that has some ideas for you. Please note, always take care in meeting online.